Sunday March 29th 2026
Local coach Kate Flory and her Brag Board reminding her who she is as mum and wife.
This article has been written by local coach Kate Flory
How often do you dismiss the things that come easily to you? Even when others struggle with them, or other people rely on you for them. Or what about the things that come naturally to you, because you can do them, they aren’t seen as special, or unique, or important.
There are many sides to lacking confidence, and the one most of us recognise is when we lose it. I remember going back to work after my second child, sitting in a room full of experts and feeling like an imposter, out of place, and that I was the wrong person for the job. I had to work hard on just showing up every day. I knew how and why I had lost my confidence, and I had to trust that in time I could build it back up.
But there is another side of losing your confidence which is a composite of many small moments over time, a small knock, a passing comment, or something going wrong that individually are insignificant, but collectively they add up.
Just imagine each confidence knock as a pebble going into a jar, with each situation represented by different sized pebbles. One pebble is fine, even a few are manageable, but over time your pebble jar gets too heavy to handle. One day, you wake up and realise you don’t feel yourself and you’ve lost your confidence, but you’re not sure entirely why.
In coaching we don’t pull out the pebbles and examine them one by one, instead we move the focus to exploring what builds up our confidence. When we focus on what has and is working, we are finding evidence about our strengths, our skills, attitudes, even personal value, and our brain starts looking for more . We start thinking from our Success Brain. Compared with when we seek to fix a problem, we are more tuned into what the issues are, what’s not working, and what’s wrong, and can often end up thinking from our Survivor Brain.
One of the simple ways I help my coaching clients to rebuild their confidence is to create a Brag Board. It can be something you creative and make, it can be a list, or something you capture on your phone. Whatever method works for you.
On this Brag Board start to capture activities that:
– you love doing (these are often where your strengths sit)
– come easy to you (especially ones that others rely on)
– only you can do (a skill or ability that makes you stand out)
Then add to your Brag Board, qualities that your closest friend and family recognise
in you, in how you:
– support and care for people
– motivate and get things going
– the role you play naturally – the motivator, practical, steady, practical, thoughtful
Thinking about who we are, and how we help others can feel like a tall ask, so ask them for help fill in your Brag Board by finding out what they see in you, that perhaps you don’t recognise in yourself.
Research from Dr Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, suggests that 95% of believe we are self-aware. When in fact, only 10-15% of us are. So, getting feedback, isn’t a sign of weakness but an expansion of your self-awareness, and another way to build up your confidence.
On this confidence building journey you need to remember that your Brag Board isn’t a one-off exercise. You need to keep adding to it, as you spot yourself doing something good, helpful, important, well etc. It’s something to keep coming back to, especially when have one of those ‘less-than’ days. It’s a visual reminder of who you are now, and what you have achieved.
Confidence building doesn’t just come from fixing everything that is wrong. It is more likely to grow by focusing on the positives, and noticing when we do ‘more than’, or those moments where we shine.
We can rebuild our confidence pebble by pebble.
For more information about Kapow Coaching, click HERE.
Tweet Share on Facebook
