Friday October 11th 2024
Anyone who has lost someone to suicide can create a memorial square, using fabric as their canvas.
Written by Midlothian View Reporter, Lolita Bozhko
Disclaimer: This article mentions sensitive topics related to mental health and suicide. If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide, we encourage you to seek professional help. Support is available through resources mentioned at the end of the article. Please prioritize your well-being and reach out for support if needed.
Mental health remains a critical public health issue in the UK, where an increasing number of people are affected by conditions such as depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. These conditions, when left untreated or inadequately addressed, can lead to tragic outcomes like suicide. In the UK, suicide is a leading cause of death, particularly among younger people, and the stigma surrounding mental health often prevents individuals from seeking the support they need. While efforts have been made to improve mental health services and increase awareness, the persistent rise in mental health issues calls for greater intervention, support, and compassion.
According to the UK Office for National Statistics (ONS), in 2022 there were 5,275 suicides registered in England and Wales, with men accounting for around three-quarters of those deaths. The suicide rate for men in the UK is nearly three times higher than that for women, with the highest rates observed in men aged 45 to 49. As for Scotland, Scotland has consistently had the highest suicide rate among UK nations. Based on 2022 data, Scotland’s rate of 14.0 deaths per 100,000 people was higher than Wales (12.5), Northern Ireland (12.3), and England (10.5). In 2023, there were 792 probable suicide deaths in Scotland, an increase of 30 from the previous year. The overall suicide rate was 14.6 per 100,000 people, a slight increase from 2022 but in line with the previous five-year average, following the Samaritans response that year.
Years pass, and changes unfold in both time and circumstances. While there isn’t definitive research proving that Gen Z solely promoted talking about mental health, it is highly believed that they have played a significant role in destigmatizing mental health discussions and increasing awareness. However, we still have much work ahead of us.
In this context, on a warm autumn day, residents of Edinburgh and the Lothians gathered at Cornerstone Cornerstone Centre St John’s for the official presentation of Lothians Speak Their Name Quilt, a poignant tribute to those lost to suicide. Inspiration for the quilt comes from Greater Manchester and Yorkshire. Anyone who has lost someone to suicide created a memorial square, using fabric as their canvas. Through embroidery, stitching, painting, or other artistic expressions, each square was a personal tribute to their loved one. When all the individual squares were sewn together, they formed a collective memorial.
The event began with an emotionally resonant welcome delivered by team members: Sue, Susan, Jacqui, and Trishna. Each of them took a moment to reflect on the significance of honoring and remembering those we have lost, acknowledging the profound impact that grief can have on our lives. They highlighted that while loss can feel isolating, fostering a sense of community and connection is essential during such difficult times. The team emphasized the importance of supporting one another, reminding attendees that we can find strength in shared experiences and mutual understanding.
What struck me most during the event was the sight of a desk set up for remembrance, where attendees could place portraits of their loved ones who had tragically lost their lives to suicide. The table, illuminated by flickering candles, created a solemn atmosphere that encouraged quiet reflection while honoring the memories of those we lost. Initially, there were only about ten portraits displayed, and I must admit, as I watched more and more people approach the table, my heart ached with the hope that no one else would add to the collection.
Regrettably, my hopes were not realized. By the end of the gathering, the number had swelled to around forty portraits. This was a deeply troubling indication of the scope of loss present in our community. Each portrait represented not just a face but a vibrant life of someone’s beloved family member or friend. The contrast of the black-and-white images against the backdrop of the table served as a painful reminder of the lives that had been cut short and the love left behind.
It was devastating to see those silent photographs — this is a collection of stories that would never be fully told. Each frame encapsulated memories of laughter, shared moments, and dreams, now shadowed by the weight of grief and loss. This display, while heartbreaking, was also a powerful testament to the need for open conversations about mental health and the importance of support for those who are struggling. It underscored the reality that behind each portrait lies a unique person, forever missed and deeply loved.
I must admit that it was emotionally challenging to be part of the audience at such a significant event. While I found joy in connecting with others and engaging in conversation, a part of me wished this event hadn’t been necessary at all. It’s disheartening to think that, even in this day and age, we still need to raise awareness for mental health. Not only do I have my own challenges with mental health, but I also have many friends who still face their own battles every day. I know individuals who have attempted to take their lives, and I’m quite sure there are others who silently endure their struggles, too afraid to speak about them.
This is precisely why events like this are so important. They not only bring together those directly impacted by suicide, creating a sense of unity and shared understanding, but they also provide an opportunity to remember our loved ones in a meaningful way. The memorial quilt serves as a powerful reminder that those we have lost are much more than just photographs on the table; they were vibrant individuals with unique stories, dreams, and relationships. Such events allow us to honor their memories and celebrate their lives, acknowledging their struggles while emphasizing the positive impact they had on us.
I believe this is a moment to address an essential aspect of our approach to mental health, which urgently needs re-evaluation. While it is crucial to honor and remember those who have tragically lost their lives to suicide, we must also recognize and support those who have come close but ultimately managed to keep fighting, as well as those who contemplated taking that irreversible step, yet held back out of fear or concern for the loved ones they would leave behind.
Having witnessed those around me grapple with intense mental health challenges, I’ve come to realize that when someone reaches that ‘point of no return,’ their pain can become so consuming that it overshadows everything else. At this stage, it’s not that their loved ones no longer matter to them; rather, the unbearable weight of their suffering becomes their sole focus. Contrary to the common belief that individuals who die by suicide ‘want to end their lives,’ the reality is far more complex and heartbreaking. These individuals aren’t trying to escape life; they are desperately seeking to relieve themselves of their inescapable anguish. This distinction is vital for understanding the mindset of someone contemplating suicide.
It’s important to acknowledge those who grapple with these thoughts daily, whether their struggles are visible to the outside world or confined to the depths of their minds. Many live with the burden of silent battles, feeling isolated even when surrounded by others. By shining a light on these experiences, we can foster a more compassionate understanding of mental health that extends beyond just remembrance to include active support for those still living with pain and uncertainty. We need to create spaces where individuals can share their experiences without stigma, where vulnerability is met with empathy, and where seeking help is just as much encouraged as normalized. This shift in perspective is vital for building a healthier, more inclusive dialogue around mental well-being — one that honors those we’ve lost while empowering those who are still here to find their voice and seek the help they need.
*This is a revised edition of my original article, reflecting the feedback I received from individuals who have lost loved ones to suicide. I would like to clarify that my intention was never to imply that individuals who have taken their own lives did not care about their loved ones. I regret if my words were interpreted that way. On the contrary, I strongly believe that these individuals deeply cared for their families and friends. However, when someone is in torment of severe mental health challenges, their perspective can become dramatically distorted. It’s not a lack of love or concern for others; rather, it is an overwhelming, consuming pain that takes hold of them.*
For those seeking support or wishing to contribute to the quilt project, please visit Facebook.
If you’re facing challenges with your mental health, please reach out to someone you trust. This could be a friend, a coworker, a mentor, a parent, or even a distant family member — anyone you feel comfortable confiding in. And if you’re not sure you have someone like that in your life right now, there are resources below available to help you. Please take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to seek support.
Resources.
In case of a crisis, call 999 for immediate danger; visit A&E department for urgent mental health crisis or access NHS 24’ Distress Brief Intervention (only short-term support for people in distress).
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